Friday, August 26, 2011

Come as you are...

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen!

Sorry for the summerbreak, but intense traveling and general laziness have kept me from updating my blog and feeding you with unnecessary information.

My summer has been pretty exciting, but also sad and sobering. I think I'll start with all the good news as fortunately, there are more good news than bad ones.

I spent three weeks in paradise, namely Honolulu on the island of Oahu in Hawaii. In June 2009, I met Nick Danger when he was on tour with the Californian band Left Alone. We've stayed in touch ever since and he invited me to visit him in his hometown in Garden Eden. It was amazing!! I was so warmely welcomed by Nick and his friends that I immediately felt at home. Nick's friend Cody, a very funny, very gifted tattoo artist, invited me to stay in the Dollhouse, a house he and his friends have rented together. It's huge and beautiful and all the people that live there are really interesting and the most fun...especially the ladies :-)

Ala Moana Beach
James gave me one of his bikes and I explored the city. Honolulu isn't really that big, so after some days I didn't have any troubles getting around. Everyday I spent time with someone, hanging out at the beach (the beaches are the most beautiful I've ever seen, sorry Australia and Brazil, you lose this battle!), getting coffee at Manifest *clickme* (a bar where several people from the Dollhouse work), going to shows (everyone seems to play in a band there!!), sitting on the roof of the house and enjoying myself as much as possible.

the view from the dollhouses' roof
The weather in Hawaii is soo nice and warm every day that you somehow lose track of what day of the week it is because they're all the same. And I loved the rain, several times a day you get 10 minutes of spray rain that are more refreshing than anything. Cody told me "if you don't like the weather in Hawaii, wait 20 minutes!" and that's soo true.

One day I went tandem surfing with Oliver. It was soo much fun! Most interestingly, I didn't act like a complete moron, but managed to get up and really surf a little. I've have surfed in Australia in 2005, but that's such a long time ago, it feels like it isn't even true anymore. I love it and I should have done it more often!:( Thanks again to Oliver who paddled for two people !! ;-)

The punk rock scene in Honolulu is small but thriving. I  didn't expect to go to so many shows and they even had a two day festival called No Suck Fest *clickme* going on. It's all DIY and really small, but what struck me was that people work and create together. It's all about the music, nothing else. (At least, that's the impression I got, from an insider point of view it might be different!?!) And this is how it should be! Now it seems like the Viennese scene is totally dead compared what these guys and gals got going...check out these awesome Hawaiian bands:

Raised by Wolves
Die Slow
Black Square
The 86 List

Nick, Cody and Joe aka Campfire

Emily, Joe and me on my last evening in town at Downbeat - the coolest diner in town
After 3 weeks, I had to leave. I was really sad as I'd have loved to stay (way) longer. But I'll go back for sure!! And I hope to stay in touch with all the good people I've met...thanks again for having me, for hanging out with me and for being so welcoming and amiable!! I had such a rad time! Mahalo!

Walk Unafraid
After Hawaii, I had a 3 day stop-over in Seattle. I was really excited to visit the city of Grunge, the place were one of my favorite bands of all times, Nirvana, came from.
I slept in a really nice hostel in Belltown, a cute part of the city with nice restaurants and bar, right next to a tattoo parlor called Under the Needle *clickme*, so as a logical consequence, I got new tattoos on the back of my thighs by Joel Kennedy. He did a great job, don't you think?? I'm so happy!! They are awesome!!

I got my first tattoo during a difficult time. Every tattoo I have marks a specific point in my life, reminds me of certain people and I love all of them...other people buy expensive clothes and jewellery to decorate their body...I get some ink. And the pain of the needle sometimes heals the pain inside or at least helps coping with it.

Kurt's sweater & guitar from the Smells like Teen Spirit video

The weather in Seattle was, as I had expected, rainy and grey. The city is very laid-back and calm. I would have liked to stay a little longer, three days was definitely not enough. I didn't not do so much sightseeing, I don't really enjoy the typical touristy stuff. It's about the feeling and atmosphere of a certain place.

However, I went on top of Seattle's Space Needle, which was cool. Im so proud of myself because I'm really scared of heights! And I checked out the Nirvana exhibition - probably one of the best exhibitions I've ever been to! It features many amazing objects like the first guitar Kurt Cobain smashed or the sweater he wore in the Smells like Teen Spirit video. I had goose bumps all the way through. I felt like I was a teenager again, annoying my mum with Nirvana always on top volume.
The exhibit also had interactive parts with tons of videos and interviews with other musicians, producers and friends of the band. The focus was on the background and development of Seattle as the city of Grunge and Nirvana as the one band that made rock music mainstream. They also had ipods on the wall with bands from the area and I wrote down this long list of bands I need to listen to. Im still not through it...

Back at home, I felt really sad, like usually when I come back from traveling. Because everywhere else is better than at home (which, of course, is not true, but you know what I mean).

But I didn't have much time to dwell in it, as my mum got married on 6 August. Im so happy for her! She has not had an easy life in terms of relationships, but finally she has found someone who really cares for her. We kids approve of Hubert, so they were "allowed" to get married. :-)
My sisters and me dressed up, all in petticoats, 50s style. My mum looked breathtaking in her wedding dress. Im so glad I got her good genes :-)
all dolled up
My mum, her husband Hubert with their witnesses
my older sister Eva-Maria and my younger sister Anna-Lisa

My homie Anda and me...he likes hats
The wedding was a lot of fun, just family and close friends, no big fuzz. I thought I should make my mum and her husband a special present and so I decided to play two songs for her. Inspired by my trip to Hawaii, I asked my friende Anda to play Ukulele. We played one of my own songs called "So tell me" and covered Elvis' "Love me tender". Husband and wife were happy and we had a lot of fun.

 After the wedding I stayed at home for more than a week, wasting my time with my little sister, watching TV, reading and waiting for the weather to get better, which didn't happen. It was raining all the time and it fit my overall pretty depressed mood.
 While being in Hawaii, I was told that a friend of mine was very brutally murdered in Berlin. The police have caught a suspect, who testified, but has not mentioned a motive for the deed or anything. The whole story is really crazy and weird and does not make any sense at all. No one can really believe it. I can not understand what my friend got himself into or why/how any situation could end like this. It sounds like a horror story from Hollywood. But it isn't. It's the pure, naked and terrifying reality.

Since then I feel totally numb. I don't know another word for it. I miss him. I think of all the things and moments we shared. Everyday I hope to wake up and find out that it was a bad dream and that I can call him anytime. I am not sure if I have fully realized that I will never ever see him again. There are so many things I'd still like to tell him.

But this is how we humans are. We don't say things until it's too late.

We had a difficult relationship and his death made me reflect about the past a lot. I feel incredibly bad about many things I've done wrong in my life. I was tangeled up in my own emotional chaos and hurt people. Although I was punished by life in many ways and eventually apologized for my mistakes, I still feel guilty and get pissed-off with myself when I think about how stupid I was. And if I had done better, things mights have turned out differently...

Nevertheless, I am glad that I did learn from my mistakes and that I will not do them again (at least I'll try as hard as I can).
It also made me realize that we should tell people about our feelings more often, be upfront and honest anytime. Don't hesitate to tell someone about your feelings and tell your friends that you love them. Settle any quarrels, it's just not worth it. You can lose anyone anytime. We all have an expiry date, so we should rather make the best out of it. 

I am so happy that I have my best friend Corina who will always be there for me. I fuckin love her. She and her boyfriend Gerald have cheered me up so much in the last weeks. We went to a huge rock festival together and today we go to Munich for the weekend. It's always the best time ever....

Corina and me on the mini ferris wheel at the Frequency festival
So get out there, meet your friends, enjoy your life as much as you can...there is no other thing to do...

Take care of yourselves....

PS: Due to my stay in Seattle, I got into Nirvana again (which is bullshit because I'm always into Nirvana). So this time I chose one of my favorite songs. It's slow but powerful. Come as you are to me is about friendship and the idea that someone is always there for you, no matter if you're "dowsed in mud or soaked in bleach". And that what remains are the memories that no one can ever take away from you...