I wanna win the new Dead To Me EP so I repost this...

Yes, the title says it all. Here it is:

Free Shit x Dead To Me 7inch
…Brick Gun Records brings ya a brand new 7inch by DEAD TO ME. it has 3 new tracks and those songs are bangin’. and if you don’t know what’s up, check out Dead To Me right now; they are one of S.F.’s finest.
i am giving away 1 FREE copy of this record TODAY.
to enter this giveaway: REBLOG THIS POST ON YOUR BLOG.
if you are working with blogspot or any other blog/website, repost it on there and email me the link: eudorarock@yahoo.com
after 24 hours, i will randomly choose 1 person who reblogged this post and send you this 7inch for FREEEEEEEEEEEE. and i will ship internationally.
thanks so much to Brady at Brick Gun and the homies from DTM. thanks for supporting siqshit the blog. and if you wish to order this record, please do by clicking here.

And yes, I really wanna win. And I deserve to win as I was singing along their songs at their last show in Vienna....

I'm gonna change your life...

Hey there...

 Man, do i feel fucked up today! Just came back home from a trip to Berlin with my best friend and we had a great time. But last night i drank a little too much and i feel like i got a lobotomy while sleeping. on the way to the airport i started sweating and had to concentrate hard so that i dont puke into the taxi. i haven't been ruined like this for ages...but this has been my first holiday with my best friend since 4 years, so it's ok to feel fucked up for one day...

Berlin is an amazing city. It was the third time i went there and i frickin love it (and its inhabitants). I think it's my favourite city in Europe...i feel like i have to go and live there for a while. maybe next summer...
Every time i go there, i feel good about people. i have met so many nice, interesting, funny, charming, open-minded and creative people that im impressed. i know that might just be an tourist impression, but it doesnt matter.

it underlines the fact that life basically is about human relationships. but we tend to forget how precious relations can be. you are so used to be surrounded by people that you forget how important they are. and how much influence they can have over you. they can change your life.

i used to be a pretty negative and overly sensitive person. i still am in many ways. but i once met a wise young man who was able to change my whole perspective within a couple of hours. he said so many smart things...not to impress me, just because he listened to me and then gave me this idea of things. very simple ideas that actually now are engraved in my mind and since then i am a totally different person in many ways. and there are more people out there that do the same all the time...

im happier, i regard life as your one and only chance to make a difference and to enjoy yourself. to see the good things but also not look away from the bad things. and the most important idea is that you have to learn how to accept things. how to stop fighting against everything. i used to do that a lot and i suffered a lot. now im less attached to things/people (which doesnt mean that i dont appreciate or love them) and i stopped fighting about things i cant change.

i now accepted that my dad is not gonna change his life. he's has been on the road to ruin for years but i will never be able to change his ways. and that is alright. i have to accept the fact that i cant have influence over everything and everyone. it's alright. but that's why i also try to live my life in a way that makes me happy and try to avoid suffering as much as i can. i accepted myself and others and life the way it is and now i can enjoy things/people to the fullest.

these 4 days were all about it. i cant explain the relationship between my best friend and me. it's very strong. we constantly think the same, say the same. we mainly have the same ideas about life and we share everything. im so thankful to have a friend like her.  i couldnt do without her. id do everything for her. i wished every human being had a friend like that. and not just tons of facebook friends you barely know. 

the only thing that ruins my happiness is that many great people that i really appreciate do not live in vienna, not even in austria and sometimes even on a different continent. but im glad there are aeroplanes and i can see them at least sometimes. 

now comes another friend and brings me food and a movie. otherwise id starve to death and feel a little sad tonight. leaving a place always makes me a little sad. but yeah, i cant change it...and it's gonna be alright tomorrow...

enjoy your fellow humans and take care....

PS: my recommandation today is a band called The Thermals. their song "Im gonna change your life" reflects what im thinking about today....i wanna change peoples' lives....i wanna give them something. something good. and i will keep doing my best....

Total Life Forever

Dear readers...

Yes, I know, I haven't updated my blog for a while now, but I have been sooo damn busy. I worked in the hostel almost every day and I'm still working on the translation that takes a lot more time than I actually expected. But things are getting better, the hostel has closed, the season's over and none is gonna bother me with questions like "Where is the nearest supermarket?" or "Do you sell beer?". Although it was boring by times and some people were particularly annoying, I enjoyed working in the hostel. I like helping people and making them comfortable. And I know how important it is to get some good first hand information from the locals when you're travelling. I can imagine working in a hostel for a longer period...for sure not full-time because it's just so annoying to repeat the same things for 8 hours a day, but if I start studying again, maybe this is an option to afford my lifestyle...

But it's not that I am unemployed at the moment...nope! Although my Californian dream didn't work out because it seems to be impossible to get a proper US visa, I am doing really fine at the moment. I decided to finish my teacher education by doing a one year practical stage in a school...and since there is a lack of English teachers, I do not only teach the two classes you have to do for the teacher training program, but I got two more classes....so I spend my days in school...trying to grow into this new role that I've been given...from the student to the teacher. But this is not easy as you might guess...a bunch of wild teenagers can be very difficult to manage. Fortunately, I got the "she's young and seems to be cool" bonus, so so far, I have managed to handle the little brats and survive every lesson without nervous breakdowns! But yeah, this year is going to be exciting and I'm gonna let you know more about my life as a teacher in high-school...

I've also moved to a new appartment in a new district of Vienna, close to the school in which Im teaching. I love my new place although it still looks a bit "raw"...I only got a little bit furniture because I have not managed so far to bring my stuff from home to Vienna...but I think next month, my new "crib" will be fully adapted. It's a really old house and there are only 3 people living here - a very old couple and a woman in her mid-thirties. And a bunch of cats that always spy on me...

The raw state of my apartment made me a little creative...I painted this simple thing on a piece of mirror....

that's actually a nice work for me, since I am totally uncapable of drawing...I'd love to draw stuff similar to what Ralph Steadman did (just ordered this poster for my apartment...I'm so happy about it!!)

Well, Im pondering about a couple of things lately. First, it is actually great that life is in permanent transition, that nothing is permanent. Every day you can get up and try it again and things change and although sometimes you might have a hard time, better times will come for sure. I know for some hardcore pessimists among you, this might be bullshit...but honestly, if you're feeling bad all the time you have to look for a reason within yourself. And change things that make you unhappy. I have had tough periods and I always came out of it richer (in an emotional sense) and "smarter" than before...so I don't try to fall into black holes as deep as I could because I know things pass...and change. And that is great!

One problem I still have to learn how to cope with is people bitching around. I really dislike talking bad about people behind their backs. I know I sometimes do it myself, but I have tried to be more aware of what I am saying to whom and why. Some people just seem to exploit a person so that they have something to talk about and something so that they can feel better about themselves. I'm wondering if people don't experience more important things in their lives than what other people are saying or doing. Especially when it is people you don't really know or you've just heard about! People should be less judgemental in general...and bitching behing one's back is a part of this! I don't wanna preach here, but I really have difficulties grasping the sense of talking bad about someone else...what do you gain?? 

Well, so in this sense, one of my top ten goals is being less judgemental...especially because this will ruin my objetivity in class! If I start judging people by what I hear about them or their appearance, my evaluation would be a joke! Live and let live...stop worrying about other people...it's ourselves we should worry about...

I also got good news from the musical front. I actually made it to the rehearsal room with Anda and we cranked out some tunes that sounded really good. We have set up a couple of songs without even playing together, just by sending each other bits and pieces...if you got an Apple computer you don't even need to rehearse to write or record a song...it's weird, but it somehow works. Sure, rehearsing every week would make us a lot more productive, but still, for living in two different parts of Austria, we manage this thing very well. I only struggle with one damn song. It is crazy! I wrote the whole thing apart from the verse melody in one piece one afternoon. But I can't figure out a damn verse melody...I've tried so many, nothing satisfies me! But maybe I'm trying to hard...However, I got Anda, my captain and leader, who will, as always, figure out a solution! He's the man!

Ok, I now feel the need to go and play guitar and try my luck with the damn song again!
Leave comments or I will be sad that none cares....show me some virtual affection here guys and gals!

PS: This times I present you an Indie band I've come to like this summer. In summer, I always listen to what for me is "lighter" stuff than in winter...you might call it summer sound. And this band has been part of my summer soundtrack. They are called FOALS....I don't know anything about them. Apart from the fact that I don't like their first record. Their latest one is really cute though. It is called Total Life Forever (sweet title) and has a cover that reminded me of another album I particularly liked...


Here's the link to their single Total Life Forever....the record is one that you have to listen from the first to the last song in straight order, otherwise it loses its atmosphere...so try to enjoy the last warm sunrays with this sound.

xx

A Prescription for Mankind...

Hey there!

I know it took me a while but Im finally back with an update on life and the latest questions I have tried to think about...

Well, it has been busy. I have been busy. And it was emotionally perturbing in so many ways. I graduated. I needed a job. A last minute decision brought me a summer job as a receptionist in a youth hostel in Vienna. It can get stressful but most of the time I enjoy the work because I like helping people and that what's my main task there...help them with rooms and finding their way around the city. And my colleagues are really nice, the money I earn is right and so Im satisfied.

Im also translating a book - yes, a whole 300 pages book about Airway Management from American English to German. Im doing this for the paramedics from Samariter Bund and I tell you, these guys are smart people if they know all the stuff I translate...the book is highly medical and focussing on the physical and manual aspects of making people breathe better in emergency situations. Although I have been a member of the Youth Red Cross for about 2 years and even have won a price in First Aid with a group from there, I don't know anything about airway management. So it is quite a demanding task - but definitely interesting to learn what the heck they are talking about in Emergency Room.

And I have finally made the decision - in pretty demotivated and sad circumstances - that Im going to spend another year in Vienna and do the practical year of my teacher education to get the full permission to work as a teacher. I wanted to go to the US so bad the whole year...but I have not seen the right possibility. It is so difficult to obtain a proper visa and the au-pair thing I have had in mind didnt work out. So change of plans...I also attended the "uni success" fair at the university in Vienna - basically a fair about careers and I decided to apply for a Fulbright scholarship for a doctorate/PhD in the US next year!! The application process is super tough, but if I get one I could write my dissertation at an American university and teach there...which would be an amazing thing to do...
But this needs preperation and I need to find a professor at an American uni that would be interested in supervising my dissertation. And figure out a topic first...I got some ideas, but nothing so concrete as to write a research proposal...

So yeah, it's decided - this next year is going to be about work...about finding my way and the thing I wanna do in my life...and I guess that is a pretty big thing.

Well, the next problem was to find a place to stay in Vienna since I moved out of the apartment I shared with my brother in August 2008 and since then I have been living in Rome, Stanford, travelling, staying at home at my mum's or with Rafael or my Schnur...and finding a proper place to stay in Vienna is tough (as probably everywhere)!! The first room in a shared apartment I checked out was perfect - nice room, nice people, nice location, good price! But the people in the apartment didnt take me because, I quote, "you're too good to be true! We decided to give the room to someone who has difficulties finding one and we are sure you won't" - I thought that was a joke...but nope, they were serious about it! Well, I somehow like their social attitude but I still hope they got a weird pervert or so instead of me :P
But now I found a 46 m2 apartment all for myself...and super close to the school in which Im going to work as of September. Im going to move in 1 August and I am looking forward to have my own four walls again...

So things are falling into place...not the exact way I wanted them, but it is going to be alright. I am satisfied and try to make the best out of it. Like always. Im trying my best.
And still, many things go wrong or are different from what I expect and this disappoints me. My greatest enemy in life is myself. I am the one that disappoints me the most. And my insecurity about myself that I am struggling with day by day. I think my friends think of me as a strong person but I also know they are wrong. It's true that I can be tough in many situations...but basically Im thinking too much and Im too sensitive for being tough! Every word I hear, every picture I see has some sort of impact on me...and although this can be a very pleasing quality...it can also be a pain in the neck since my mind plays a lot of tricks on me.

Im insecure and I look for approval in other people. I often need other people to feel good about myself. Sometimes I dont, it depends on my daily to minutely mood. If people only give me their complaints...if they only tell me what I do wrong, I really feel bad about myself...because I think of things and see that Im making a lot of mistakes. I guess most people function like this. I feel better if someone says something nice about me. I think this is normal. But this can be difficult sometimes...as I said, my mind plays tricks on me and sometimes I lack the strength to be on top of my mood and my feelings. I lose control and do whatever I feel like - I get mad, angry, sad, crazy and so on. I have been trying hard and I do really well as long as I am not getting involved with people...people fuck me up or better and more honest - I fuck myself up with the help of other people. I can be really fine and balanced but only one person needs to say something wrong, something I didn't expect, then I can lose grip of myself and get sad or angry or both.

I once read a nice Buddhist story that was similar - A monk was living alone in the mountains and was meditating all day and being one with existence. One day a farmer reaches the monk's cave and asks him what he is doing there. The monk explains that he tries to be one with the world and accept existence the way it is. The farmer tells him to go to hell whereon the monk gets really angry and shouts at the farmer. The farmer laughs and says that it is easy to be one with the world when you are alone in a cave...

There's a lot of wisdom in this little story - it is easy to be happy and cool if no one and nothing is bothering you. But the thing that makes life difficult but that can be the most beautiful at the same time is human relationships...they can give you so much, but also ruin you to an extend that you totally lose yourself. Im exaggerating in some ways, but I've seen and been through so many difficult situations involving people. And the main thing people complain about is other people. Im looking for the right way to manage relationships but often I am wrong - there are misunderstandings, unexpressed things, underlying issues and little details that all matter, and basically as a human you're forced to live with your own perspective most of the time...and it is hard to get something like a full picture because reality as such doesn't exist. We can only assume how other people look at thing and how they think.

Because the next problem that might ease many difficulties but often make things more complicated is communication. Achieving a good communication with people is very hard. And words are just ways of putting things, a way of trying to make sense that doesnt necessarily make sense for other people. (like what I am writing here!?!?!) Well, at the moment I am losing faith in communication and human relationships...I don't know how to handle them. When I dont put much effort, the other person gets disappointed. If I put much effort and expect things, I get burned.

But I think the underlying issue here is expectations - I think most people expect things from other people. Especially if there is some sort of emotional involvement. And this is where things basically go wrong. If you expect things from other people, you are an easy target for disappointment. If you don't expect things, you can do great. But have you ever managed not to expect anything from anyone you cared for? Family, Friends, Lovers? I don't know a single person who is able NOT TO EXPECT anything...maybe some enlightened Buddhists like the Dalai Lama can do that...I don't know. I would like to know though. And I would like to know how to learn NOT TO EXPECT.

So if you know someone, introduce me to him/her.
If you got any answers or comments or thoughts about this, please share them with me...seriously.

Good night and good Luck!
S

PS: My musical recommandation tonight is Spinnerette. Some of you might remeber the hottest chick punk rock has ever seen, namely Brody Dalle.

She was the singer of the Distillers and the wife of Tim Armstrong. But she fell in love with Josh Homme, the QOTSA singer. The divorce is documented in one of my favourite records ever, the Distillers' Coral Fang. After a musical break and becoming a mum, she is back with a new band called Spinnerette that obviously are influenced by the music her husband is producing. But nevertheless, she is still able to write amazing songs, great lyrics and has a powerful voice. This one is one of my favourites from their first record: Spinnerette - The Walking Dead

Interludes with Ludes...

Hey there...

What's up?

Im at home, drinking Gösser NaturRadler and listen to music. Which is nice. But there are not many other things that you wanna do if it has been raining for days...like here in Austria, we have had the worst May ever!! It rained the whole month! It was just horrible...I wanna know how much this weather has affected the Austrian people in general? If the morale has declined about 100% and people are more motivated to kill their workmates as to work properly??

For students, this lack of sunshine is great as it implies a lack of possibilities to go and "study" in the park...which always end in some cans of beer and no interest in books...

I was one of these students....until about 2 weeks ago...when I had the big FINAL exam!! The two weeks before it, I was hiding in the appartment, head in the books, writing til my fingers hurt and I got cramps...the three days before the exam I had signed up for sitting at the info counter of the Vienna real estate fair because they pay well and I'm always in need of money. So I was sitting there, reading my summaries and answering the same questions for three days. Well, actually it was good to work there because if I stayed home, I'd have gone mad with excitement and nervosity. Two days before the exam, I had a small nervous breakdown: I sat in the kitchen, in between books and scribbled notes and felt so dumb...like I didn't know anything anymore...I couldn't answer the easiest questions and I felt totally overwhelmed with excitement...I cried...it was too much for me! However, I followed my professor's advice: "Just get someone to hug you before the exam"...and I went to bed.

The night of the exam I got all worried because I hadn't decided on a motivational song for the exam...and it was not easy to find one. I just couldn't decide...so two made it into the finals: 1) The Gaslight Anthem - Drive and 2) One Man Army - All The Way...both songs that I associate with good moments and good people..and I listened to them on the way to university the next day.

And I went to the exam...all nervous...I went to pee like 15 times...and I didn't know which room the exam was going to take place, so I had to call my colleague who had the exam right after me and was always better informed than me (Thanx again Michi!!).
I found the room, found two of the three professors that were goin to test me. And the last one, the supervisor of my thesis, also appeared...we shut the door...smalltalk...nervosity...smiles...acting as if I was as cool as fuck...and my supervisor asked me to present my thesis...and explain what and why I did it...first question over, 10 minutes have passed...next topic: American culture in Austria since WW II...

...questions like "What is pop culture?"...be careful to avoid traps...fuck, stepped in a trap...try to make my way out...change the topic...done...20 minutes over, 40 to go...third question- "The Beat Poets" - "Recite the first line of Alan Ginsberg's poem "Howl"...messed up one word..."Why was it banned??"...outrageous content...SEXSEXSEXHOMOSEXUALSINTHE50sDRUGSINDECENTBEHAVIOR...talktalktalk...last question "Why have the Beat poets been important?"...influeced the later generations, idea of freedom...nobody fuckin with you...importance for pop culture...BLABLABLA

Then my French professor started to ask questions...I mess up the first question...he talks and talks and talks...I wanna say something...he talks...20 mins to go...I say something...he disagrees...I get really nervous now...I try to switch topic...he talks...I listen and look at my other professor who blinks at me...he talks...I know I'm not doing so great. Second topic...I talk...a little more...he asks a question...I reply...he talks...and talks...I hope that it's over soon...my palms are sweaty...

I say something, he disagrees...I think I messed up completely. TIME OVER! They ask me to leave the room...

I wait outside...there are other people waiting...I try to talk to them, can't stand still...feel useless...EVERHOPINGTHEBESTBUTEXPECTINGTHEWORST I repeat in my head...it hurts...I wanna go home...after what seems to be forever, the door opens and they ask me in again...the chairprofessor announes: "I'm happy to congratulate you, you have passed...and actually WITH DISTINCTION...."...me: "What? How so??"...why do they want me to pass with distinction as I messed up in French...my French professor says "Well, I had a hard time to agree on the distinction, but I know you know the things I have asked you!!" (I have been in his office hours two days before and he asked me the same questions which I answered without problems....)...I feel weird...shake their hands...say thank you...and can leave the room...it is over...DONE...FINITO...BASTA...

And about two weeks later it still feels weird...I now got (something like) a master in teacher education in English and French...I'm done with university...tomorrow I can pick up my final certificate...and I can sign up for the official graduation ceremony which primarily aims at making my parents happy - not me because I pay 80€ for this crap...and haven't I paid enough university fees in the last couple of years???...graduation should be for free!! Even if you don't want the official ceremony, you pay 60€ for this crappy piece of paper that says you're an academic...(even if I still feel like a useless moron 99% of the time....)

Well, some people might be incredibly happy about graduation...I am too, but within limits...I mean now, they gonna cut on my financial aid and I gotta get a job...and for someone who doesn't know what she wants to do, finding a job sucks...especially because I don't wanna commit. I need a temporary job because I still hope to get a job in the US or if this doesn't work out I've decided to try my luck in Berlin...other options are staying in Vienna, sign up for school and teach English an French in high school...which is actually why I studied...but during the years I have changed my mind. Not that I don't like the idea of being a teacher (since I am a fuckin smartass and I hate myself for that) but I don't feel MATURE enough to go into a school and teach teenagers about life (in English)...I feel like a little girl and I don't wanna start doing this job because there are basically no career opportunities...not that I am much into gettin a career, but I don't wanna do the same job for the rest of my life!! I don't wanna end up like one of these frustrated teachers that hate their job but that are afraid of changing something...

I wanna do something that makes me happy and not stay in Vienna...because after six years here, I feel like something new...a new place and a new life...new opportunities...

So I spend a lot of time on the internet, looking for ideas and addresses, people and possibilities...and hope that one day I wake up and all things will fall into place...keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck...

Well, I feel like I've written enough so far...and I don't wanna fill you guys and gals up with too much information...and I know most people do not like to read from the screen. But since I got so much feedback and so many comments last time, I don't think many people are actually reading my shameful gibberish anyway!!!

So good night and good luck...

PS: Tomorrow I'm going to see Them Crooked Vultures live in the Arena in Vienna...I would have never bought a ticket because 43€ is way too much in my opinion...I usually pay around 20€ for all the shows I go to...my friend said it's because I only go to see second rate bands...ha ha ha...well, I got a ticket and so I'm going to see Dave Grohl for the first time behind the drums...and Josh Homme for the first time (I still hate myself for not having seen Queens of the Stone Age live yet!!) and the bassist of Led Zeppelin John Paul Fuckin Jones...well, let's go and see what has been labeled a "super band"...open-air in the rain...with shitloads of beer because I'm very thirsty these day....here's the link to one of their songs: Them Crooked Vultures - Scumbag Blues

Arrhythmic Palpitations...

Hello everyone!!

How has life been treating you lately?? All going well? Or are you stressed out and on the verge of a nervous breakdown??

Faster Bullet...

Dear fellow humans!

again i have to apologize for being so lazy and not keeping you updated...life is running by fast...week after week...month after month...semester after semester...and so on and so on...

so im back with weird/bad news...ive got GALLSTONES!! yes, i cant believe it...
i thought only elderly people are suffering from this...old ladies...that tell you with whom they were in the same hospital room...and what that person suffers from...and what their kids do...all the gossip they heard in the days of their hospitalization...

but yeah, even the doctors were puzzled because this is not so common in my age...im special wooooo!!!

as some people might know, my dad has been in hospital for quite a while last year. he had a stroke and while he was in hospital, they also diagnosed him with cancer. so i spent quite some time visiting him there...while being there, i couldnt help but make fun of everything...not in a negative way but i just tried to make people laugh about random things there...i was constantly joking around because i felt the need to make the people in there smile and maybe even a little happy.  often they didnt get my jokes and sometimes they looked at me with this what-the-fuck expression...but i still think that they liked when i came into the hospital room...or at least wondered about me...

today im back at hospital, but this time i am the patient. im a little nervous, running around the house like an ant on speed, checking if ive got everything to spend a "good" time in hospital. yesterday it took me two hours to charge my iPod with the right music for the setting...
i also bring also three different book...two for university (i gotta study for my final exam) and one by the Dalai Lama talking about happiness...i can really recommend this one for people who interested in buddhism and know the basic principles...otherwise, i think, it is a bit difficult...all the buddhist concepts and stuff...

well tomorrow morning they are gonna cut up my stomach...one little hole around the belly button and then they are gonna extract the gall bladder...they take out the whole thing because they say i dont need it...i was wondering why it is there in the first place if i dont need it. but they said that mine is not working well, so it makes no sense to keep it there...and the gall "juice" is produced in the liver anyway, so "goodbye gall bladder, i am not gonna miss u!!"...well, at least i hope so!!!

i am gonna take some pics at the hospital and as soon as im out, which will be by saturday if everything goes as planned, i will make an update and post some stuff...Weird tales from the Surgery Ward or so...

well, i hope you guys are all happy and enjoying life...if you are reading this blog, it would be really nice if you left me a lil comment from time to time, so i can see that you care...i dont like when people dont care...

Have a good one,
S


PS: my music recommandation is some sweet dirty reggae from california that support(ed) the spring feeling i felt for the two days of sunshine we had so far...by the aggrolites...who are going to play in Vienna on the 4th May and in Graz on the 5th May...if you like what you hear, go and check 'em out!!! The Aggrolites - Faster Bullet